"White culture" is a vague - very vague - generalization. So vague, in fact, that not even Glenn Beck himself knows how to define it. I've decided to help out my boy Glenn and define that which Obama hates. What is white culture? For what does Obama carry a deep-seated hatred? Take me by the hand and let us discover together the bigotry running the White House.
Obama hates:
Indie Film
As a man who hates white culture, Obama must indeed harbor a hatred for Indie Film. Before we can correctly outline why he hates Indie Film, it would be advantageous to make a distinction of what it exactly is that Indie Film is.
Indie Film is a distinct genre of film. It is NOT necessarily independent film, but is often made independently. In mathematical terms we would say a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not always a square. Independent film is Indie Film, but Indie Film is not always independent. Wait . . . no . . . Uh . . . An Indie Film is independent, but an independent film is not always an Indie Film. Hmmm . . . that doesn't work either. Forget what I said. Math and independent film have nothing to do with one another. Unless it's Pi.
Independent films do not equal Indie Film. Independent films are simply movies made outside the financing of major Hollywood studios. Indie Film is a genre sought after by marketers in order to reach the American Apparel demographic. Their soundtracks are filled by quirky white bands from white countries such as Great Britain, Sweden and someplace called Oosah, or USA. There are untold genres financed independently. Even minorities have their own ethno-centric independently financed films, which means Obama couldn't hate all independent films. If he did he couldn't enjoy Soul Food, Shaft, or Tyler Perry's first films. But he can and does hate Indie Film, because Indie Film is a thoroughly white endeavor.
Indie Film is wholly caucasian. The plots feature white people facing problems distinct to white people immersed in white culture. More often than not the protagonist is a white male facing difficulties which do not - how does one say this lightly? - easily transcend racial borders. Ahem. Indie Film protagonists suffer frequently with disillusionment, especially in relation to wealth. A white guy eventually realizes his mistress and his BMW won't "fulfill" him. What will fulfill him? A quirky girl who will enlighten him to the higher ways of being. She will either fulfill him romantically or fulfill him musically presented him with a wealth of Indie Music artists. This white music/film crossover creates a venn diagram of ultimate hate possibility ratio sum of anger. Because these films focus so heavily on white people experiencing problems that no other races experience, Obama has no choice but to dismiss these films entirely.
Indie Film shares a common birthplace and breeding ground with independent film: Park City, Utah. A ski resort town, the only minorities in sight are either whitewashing themselves by disguising their race with ski-boots and puffy vests or being relegated by The Man into low-grade service jobs. This degradation of the black man rears its ugly head as the Sundance Film Festival - Indie Film's favorite parent. The Sundance Film Festival is personified as Robert Redford: the Ultimate White Man. His rugged honky-good-looks and Americanized work ethic represent the ideal cracker for all other white men. Even more representative of its whiteness is - again - its treatment of the black man and the fact it pronounces "foliage" as "foil-age." Obama hates foil-age.
Indie Film is a white man's game. Independent film is for all men, especially men named Spike Lee. But Indie Film is for whitey. FUBU in a vintage shop.
1 comment:
Obama and I have a lot in common.
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